Infidelity in a marriage isn’t easy on anyone. It hurts, it triggers fears, it ruins the status quo, it just totally and completely sucks. Once it enters your world you will never be the same.
I wonder then why some people are able to move beyond a betrayal to rebuild a stronger relationship or to at least improve their own character – and others never do. Some women just get stuck.
I read some blogs recently that were posted on a ‘divorced moms’ site. I think what struck me most is the self-righteousness of the author and the anger that lurked behind every word. One blog in particular was fueled by a belief that simply by kicking her husband to the curb that she had somehow become a stronger, better person. I’m not saying that it doesn’t take a degree of strength to kick your spouse out of your life – but in the case of this particular woman that act alone didn’t seem to change her. Years after the divorce she was still experiencing the same degree of hate and anger – but now she was doing it alone. The hatred that seeped into her words were heartbreaking. Hatred for her husband, for men in general, for women who sleep with married men…it was pretty upsetting. This woman has children with her ex – I can’t help but wonder how much of that hate is felt by those kids – and what happens when one day those children are old enough to read their mom’s blog. Ugh.
I do understand when women decide to divorce their husband because of infidelity. As much as I’m a believer in staying, I do think there absolutely are cases when leaving is the best thing to do. But it doesn’t negate the need for those women to try to move beyond the anger, to deal with the pain, to forgive rather than hate, to own up to their own patterns and to open their hearts. These things that need to be done whether you stay or you go. There is no sense in dwelling in the pain. It’s needless suffering. Holding onto that hatred and all the feelings that go with it can never benefit anyone and won’t prepare you for the possibility of a healthy future relationship.
If you are struggling with the idea of forgiving an ex or a current partner who betrayed you – maybe you can start by praying for that person. Perhaps that can be the first step down a lighter more positive path. A path that is lit by empathy, caring and love.