I certainly don’t claim to be an authority on the subject of marital infidelity, but I do think I offer a unique perspective on the subject. My understanding arrived first as the unknowing wife who was cheated on – repeatedly – by her sex addict husband. Second, as the lonely, confused woman who sought comfort in an affair in order to escape the pain of my husbands actions.
Many of those who follow my blog are women who themselves have experienced the unimaginable pain of discovering their husband has been unfaithful. Another significant group of followers are men who are married but cheating on their spouse. Interestingly, I also have women following my blog who are the the mistresses of married men. I appreciate that there are people from all sides of this complicated subject reading my posts. I have no ill will toward any of these people and I sincerely hope that once in a while something I say resonates with each one of you.
This diverse audience is the reason that I write in equal parts from the viewpoint of both the hurt wife and the cheating spouse. It’s natural to just want to read the parts that you personally relate to – this selective reading provides support through familiarity but not necessarily any growth. I encourage everyone to read both sides of my story, perhaps by doing so one can begin to find some empathy or understanding toward the other parties involved. Trying to understand isn’t the same as condoning lying and betrayal – but by examining the flip side of the situation I believe we can start to move closer to the goal of healing.
Here are some of the feelings that I have experienced over the past 10 years through my discovery of my husbands addiction, his acting out, his relapse, my affair and our recovery. If you have felt any of these feelings then I suspect many of my blog posts could be of interest to you – no matter which side of the affair you fell on:
Humiliation, disgrace, embarrassment, denial, apathy, pity, anger, hatred, loathing, rage, contrition, revulsion, guilt, superiority, shame, wrath, resentment, pity, indifference, compulsion, disgust, preoccupation, fixation, anxiety, obsession, passion, longing, craving, desire, loneliness, controlling, fearful, comprehending, powerlessness, forgiving, compassion, understanding, gratitude, empathy, tolerance, trust, love.