I wrote yesterday and a handful of other times about rebuilding trust in a marriage after an affair. In reading other people’s posts, the word ‘trust’ comes up over and over again. The statements are usually ‘I will never trust him again’, ‘if he did this once, how can I trust he won’t do it again’, ‘can I stay with a man I can’t ever trust’. And on it goes.
I understand as well as anyone why the thoughts always lean toward the negative. We have been deeply hurt and betrayed by the one person who was supposed to love and care for us. Our instinct is to protect ourselves from repeating the same mistake twice. But is all this negative thinking really going to help protect us? What if we could turn our thought patterns around. What if we could say “I will trust him again”, “He deserves my trust as I do his”, “I have forgiven him”. Isn’t the power of positive thinking going to get us further than negative gloom and doom?
Among other things, negative emotions have been proven to decrease our health, raise our stress levels and limit our ability to see our options clearly. Positive thinkers have lower stress, boosted immunity, live longer lives, succeed more at work, have better coping skills, etc. Being positive is by far the better choice and though it’s not easy to change thought patterns, it’s definitely possible.
I’m not saying that you should live in a fantasy world of unrealistic optimism – but positively considering that you will someday be able to trust this person who hurt you is actually a realistic option.
We are hurt, yes. We need to heal, absolutely. But we should be looking forward with hope and faith. We should gather up all of our positive energy and throw it toward trust.