What Valentine’s day is like after a betrayal

If you haven’t noticed already, it is Valentine’s day tomorrow…surely that will be a rough day for many people who follow my blog.

If you have stayed in a relationship with someone who betrayed you, the day can bring to surface unanswered questions about past Valentine’s days.  Did he send her flowers, buy her lingerie…or even spend the day with her?  It’s easy to get caught up in details about the past that actually don’t matter.  The only thing that matters is today.  Is he with you – in person, and in spirit – today?

If you are the “other woman/man” and it’s not possible to be with the married person you are in a ‘relationship’ with then Valentine’s day will likely be depressing, lonely, confusing and angering.  It will be made worse by the fact it is a weekend.  This will make it even harder for cheating couples to find a way to steal a moment together.  It will lead to thoughts like ‘How dare he be with his family over me?’  ‘What is wrong with me that I am with this person who can’t and won’t commit to me?’.  After the angry thoughts and questions pass – they will likely be followed up with justifications for him/her.  Justifications they don’t actually deserve.  They don’t deserve them because they are a liar and a cheater.

I have been in both situations – I’ve been both the cheater and the cheated on – I see both sides.  Having seen, lived and witnessed both realities I have come away believing that the only relationship worth having is the one that is entirely transparent.  The one the world can see and support.  For relationships, it’s the only path to being able to respect both yourself and your partner.

It’s only a “Hallmark” holiday – so I suppose it shouldn’t really matter at all – but for thousands of us, it does.

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