I expected to have had some depression by this point…or at least a touch of sadness or loss. My bilateral mastectomy was 2 weeks ago. Leading up to the operation, I had heard that the weeks afterward would be a physical and emotional roller coaster. It’s not. I am so filled with gratitude and relief I couldn’t imagine fitting in any negative emotions. I understand that everyone’s road is unique – and I certainly understand why so many women experience depression after this type if surgery – I’m just saying that it’s not a rule, as I am an exception.
During the time I was in the hospital and recovery center, I had no time for self pity as 3 of my friends had worse things happen to them. One friend’s wife was diagnosed with an invasive breast cancer, another was assaulted at gunpoint, and a third dear friend was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. It’s hard to feel sorry for myself while others who I love are experiencing equal or worse pain than I. In fact, every floral arrangement that arrived or prayer that was said on my behalf made me feel a bit guilty.
My recovery so far has been comfortable. I didn’t need my pain meds (other than tylenol), early to tell but it seems that the implants look acceptable and I’m already able to drive and get around. I get tired easily as my body works to put itself back together so I give myself lots of naps and leisure.
Since the subject of my blog is about life with a sex addict I will address that aspect in relation to this experience. My breasts are taped up and bruised and need soiled bandages changed daily, my bowel movements are an actual topic of conversation and I haven’t shaved in about 2 weeks. Those temporary unpleasantries aside these past weeks have been incredibly stressful for my husband. He is swamped at work, having to take days and hours away from the office to be with me, worried about me when he isn’t with me, sleeping on the sofa since my mom is here to help, etc ,etc. I know that stress is his trigger and in the past it’s this overwhelming stress that led him to the beds of other women. I sat him down a couple days before surgery and asked him to make me a promise. I made the request that if he has a ‘slip’ while I am undergoing or recovering from surgery that he please not tell me until I am fully recovered. I asked him that under those circumstances that he please tell his sponsor or therapist but to keep it from me until I am healed. My body needs every ounce of energy to recover from surgery. What it doesn’t need is a detailed confession of an addicts slip or relapse. It’s just another example of how I can care for myself at times when I am not 100% confident that my husband will have the power to do so for me.