Over the past year, and faced with my husbands sex addiction/relapse/infidelities, my husband and I have each made tremendous growth. I put my nose to the grindstone and did everything I could to ensure the least chance of having to live through the nightmare of discovery again. He finally got serious about his recovery and stopped trying to fix it with his head and has instead focused extensively on his emotional and spiritual growth.
It seemed that at the end of every day we were sharing with each other something we did or read or saw that inspired us to keep up the work. We started to empathize deeply both with one another and with others who were struggling in some aspect of their lives. We read books about sobriety and forgiveness and shared paragraphs aloud with each other. My therapy sessions almost always ended with me in tears from delving into a childhood pain that I never acknowledged before. He started to journal and meditate each and every day. Every day we were growing and becoming better people than we were the day before.
A few months ago, we seemed to hit a plateau…or at least I did. My weekly therapy sessions weren’t as raw and I felt some disconnection from my writing. I didn’t have ‘eureka’ moments to excitedly share with my husband at the end of the day. I was still in love and was grateful for all we accomplished, but I missed the daily revelations I had been experiencing in those first 6 months.
For the past year, we really focused our energies on ourselves but it’s now time to really work on the relational piece of our marriage. It’s time for us to work deeply on rebuilding our intimacy and trust with one another. He is going to learn all about what his betrayal did to me – I mean what it REALLY did to me, my brain, my coping, my triggers. I am going to learn to feel better about expressing my emotions knowing that he has acknowledged my trauma. We are going to start by doing a weekend workshop specifically designed for couples who are healing from betrayal. I know this will get me off of my plateau and will likely catapult me into a heap of pain. But it’s only through pain that we can find growth so I will open my heart and take that leap.