I am not the same person I was when I got married. How could I be? For the first 35 years of my life I was carefree. I was selfish and self serving. It was OK I was that way. I was alone and was looking out for myself. If I had a problem in a relationship I walked out – or at least I had that option. I had never had a true partner before. I never (really) had to compromise, never had to put someone else’s concerns and wellbeing on the same level as mine and never knew what it would feel like to choose to stay true to the man who completely betrayed my trust.
Marriage can be tricky. It’s about learning and listening and growing and accepting. It’s a constant examination of intentions and actions. It’s being realistic about what I did today to help the relationship…and what I may have done to harm it. It’s about being honest to a fault no matter how much shame the truth brings. It’s wanting my husband to know me as I know myself – faults and warts and wrinkles and all.
I am grateful every day that a patient man entered my life who would show me the true meaning of commitment. The rewards are immeasurable.