I’m visiting my home town for a few weeks this summer – the town where I spent the better half of a decade with my ex. This is the same ex that I returned to and had an affair with after discovering my own husbands indiscretions. I drive through some neighborhoods and there are memories of my old relationship on every street corner. My mind replays the fun, carefree moments of our youth and puts my ex on a pedestal of my own making. It’s funny that I only seem to remember the good when there was so much bad wrapped up in our relationship.
I recognize that I am idealizing the old relationship and force my mind to think of something else rather than waste my time longing for an undeserving man or dwelling on a romance that was best left behind.
It’s common for people to romanticize their pasts in this way – its the very reason why so many times we return to old relationships that are no longer good for us. We forget the reasons we split and exaggerate the parts we miss.
I have been trying to practice this mindset in my current relationship with my husband. And it’s working.
It’s been a couple solid months now that I have felt in love with my partner on a daily basis. That may be nothing to normal couples but is a huge accomplishment after the devastation of his infidelities and his sex addiction. It was only a year ago that I found out that he had been living a lie for over 6 years, so to be in this place now is beyond anything I imagined.
The bottom line is that many years ago I fell in love with my husband for good reason. He is kind, thoughtful, generous, attentive, sexy, understanding, strong, communicative, sensitive, funny, etc. The more I can focus on those amazing traits and the other initial reasons why I fell in love with him the easier it is to be truly and madly in love.
Wasting my time reminiscing about an ex boyfriend won’t serve anyone. I’ll leave that pedestal for my husband alone to stand on.