I was a promiscuous girl. I grew up in the 80’s when the movie “the sure thing” was popular. If you aren’t familiar, it’s about a guy who hears about a girl on the other side of the country who was so easy that he planned a trip to California to get laid. In my high school, I was that sure thing. More than one guy showed up on my doorstep after football practice knowing full well that I would take his virginity. I was an anomaly.
My slutty behavior continued through college even though I had a boyfriend. I was the gal that would go back to a guys dorm for sex and when we were done would ask if he had a roommate who I could do. I was bad with a capital B. There wasn’t another single girl in my sorority that behaved as I did. My friends tolerated the way I was, but they frowned upon it.
After college I learned to tone down my behavior – actually, I just learned to hide it from work colleagues – but I was still pretty loose. It was just 10 years ago when I was at a bar with a group of good friends. I saw a guy I fancied from across the room. He was in line to use the restroom. I said to my pals “be right back….I am going to fuck that dude in the bathroom”. They watched in awe as I approached the guy, chatted for about 10 seconds and then entered the bathroom with him. 7 minutes later we exited and that was that. Two satisfied adults. My friends weren’t prudes, but they were completely shocked by my behavior.
The point to this is that the way I acted wasn’t common. I was a rarity. It wasn’t the case that others were doing the same thing but doing it more discreetly. They truly weren’t acting as I was. Not in high school, not in college and certainly not as 30 year olds. I mean, there were a few girls along the way who had bad reputations – I’m sure I wasn’t the worst of them – not by a long shot. But we were an unusual breed.
All this has suddenly changed. With the growth of Craigslist, Tinder, Grinder and these other hook up apps it’s become completely acceptable to give into spur of the minute sexual desires with complete strangers. No one is hiding this behavior – in fact, they are flaunting it. There is an entire generation of people who are looking for sex without intimacy. They are trying to outdo one another with the number of strangers they have hooked up with. It’s become something of a badge of honor to be able to behave in this manner.
I’m positive this change in behavior has to do with the fact that recent technology keeps people from connecting. They type away on their twitters, instagrams and text rather than look a person in the eye and get to know them the old fashioned way. No one learns basic communication skills and without them there is no chance of becoming truly intimate with another. If kids aren’t learning to connect in the real world, it’s no surprise then that connecting in the bedroom would be unappealing and maybe not even possible.
I am starting to understand the reasons behind my own past messed up behavior – family of origin stuff, childhood molestation, a date rape or two, etc. I avoided intimacy and instead sought danger. But I was just one person. What are we going to do with a whole army of these people…and how is it going to change our world?