He cried and said he is sorry and promised on a pile of dead relatives that it will never happen again…but that doesn’t mean it’s over forever. There is an extremely good chance that your addict husband will, sooner or later, have a relapse. Though my experience is with sex addiction, this also applies to alcohol, drugs, gambling, debting or any other addiction.
Sadly, you can’t change the fact that 80% of people in recovery will relapse. What you CAN do is focus on taking care of yourself so that if and when you find out that his sobriety isn’t what you hoped or thought it was, you won’t end up curled up in a ball in the back of your closet. You will be able to continue to function and flourish in your own life even while he messes up his.
Whether you found out a week, a year or a decade ago that your partner is a sex addict my advice is the same: Attend al-anon or s-anon meetings, get a sponsor, work the 12 steps and if possible, find a therapist who works in addiction. Read books on addiction, educate yourself, put down strong boundaries. It’s vitally important to have a support group of people who understand what you are going through – it will make all the difference in the world if you are ever blindsided by his cheating again. The best case scenario is that he remains sober for the rest of his days – but in that case you can be a friend to the others in your support group who may not be so lucky. And that’s a win for all of us.