Alone

My husband left on Friday to attend an intensive workshop at the Hoffman Institute.  I can’t speak with him while he is there but I am certainly hoping the process is as life changing as it can be for him.

It’s strange to be alone.  Over the past months, we have become so close and intimate through facing his relapse and my learning, finally, about the addiction.  Other than a few minor bumps in the road (mostly due to my overactive “anon” mind and control issues) the past 6 months have been some of the best we have shared.  We both did things this autumn that we never believed we would have the strength to do – especially formally disclosing our wrongdoings to each other.  But by each of us staying and supporting one another rather than getting angry and punishing – we have both been loved for who we really are – in a way we never believed we would be loved.

While my husband is out of town and unreachable at Hoffman, I am back home going thru some medical tests which all have the potential for horrible results.  I feared that the stress around my health would cause me to want to act out in old unhealthy ways.  But I have no desire or urge to do that at all.  I haven’t even wanted to contact my “ex” for support.  For the first time I can recall since my husbands indiscretions started, I am alone but don’t feel lonely.  I feel strong and hopeful and am proud of my actions.  What a nice Christmas gift to myself.

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